More than the sum,...is a good analogy when trying to piece together the bits that make up autism, and for us,...we have apraxia thrown in for good measure to muddle the whole.
Take this morning when Isaac woke and toddled to my office, and in his blanket sleeper and when he is sleepy,...Isaac still appears to toddle, he's still that little.
Per his morning routine, Isaac climbs in my lap for a cuddle,...warm and limp and lazy,...until the giggles set in,...and then of course it's play time with Mama,...and Mama sings,...different songs,...and more than just for fun,...it's secret therapy,...but Isaac doesn't know,...his listening skills are being stretched,...or his recall,...or it's so nice and social,...he just likes the cuddles and giggles and silly singing,...because of course,...Mama must sing silly songs,...and so she does,...it's all about connection.
Not all songs make it past Isaac's play list,...let's get real,...Five Little Monkeys and Bor-o Bor-o Bumble Bee,...always does,...but Patty Cake,...NEVER has,...and when I say NEVER,...I mean,...not in the past four and half years has Isaac enjoyed listening to me sing Patty Cake.
What our little guy has against the baker's man,...I'll never know,...but I've always suspected it was the 'eye-contact' deal and 'sensory' of the patting hands,...which contributed to why he just,...just,...just couldn't get past the opening lines.
So Patty Cake has been a test,...secret diagnostic tool,...trotted out to evaluate our little guy's progress,...and he has progressed from pitching a fit a the sound of the first, "Pat-" to tolerating the song to be sung through, but just barely, and only to humor Mama,...and let's get this clear,...he ain't patting no cakes,...so put your hands down,...thank you very much.
Bewildering, but that's autism, it just doesn't make sense, but as we love our children,...we don't give up,...even with harsh reviews on our rendition of Patty Cake,...we keep singing.
This morning,...I trotted out Patty Cake,...after the improvised, I love you, I love you, I love YOU, my darling Isaac, I LOVE you, song,...sung daily and often,...in case Isaac has any doubts where he falls within the affection range in our family.
Isaac's response to this morning's concert?
"Again." - said and signed
So delightedly surprised I made sure I clarified, "Mama, sing Patty Cake, again?"
The expression on Isaac's face said, 'Yeah," and he was forcefully signing, "Again." - the giggles were also affirmation.
Sensory glitches were still functioning, so no 'cakes' were patted, but eye contact was spot on, the rolling imitation action was enthusiastic, and the delight was unmistakably genuine as four year olds are rarely 'fakey' - and Isaac NEVER is,...what you see is what you get,...and if Isaac really likes something,...you know.
The sum of our whole is made up in bits and pieces,...there are no cut and dry answers here. A Mama waits four and half years to play Patty Cake with her little guy,...it defies logic,...but just is,...and we are learning not to break our brains trying to bend our minds around the paradoxes,...we just rejoice in the joys,...learn from the challenges,...and keeping singing!
Note: selfies - courtesy of Isaac
Until I post again,...may God bless and keep you!